~ Self-awareness is key ~
Emotional intelligence (EI), is a competency skill that covers many areas such as empathy, compassion, motivation, flexibility, self-love1. EI also encompasses how we react to negative feelings/situations, how we deal with conflict, and our perspective of ourselves/others/life. Having insight into these areas, also called self-awareness, allows us to react appropriately in different situations or at least have the awareness of wanting to change. When people handle conflicts or internal turmoil with calmness and self-compassion it leaves a sense of pride, confidence, and empowerment. As this becomes a habit, it is more likely that the person will react the same way next time they meet adversity because they felt good after the fact. In other words, when the behavior is rewarding, we tend to want to repeat it. However, we can only change what we acknowledge. Therefore, becoming self-aware is key to achieving a higher EQ (Emotional Quotient).
Ajivar measures your EI and provides you feedback on your progress towards self-awareness. By interacting with the artificial intelligence (AI) frequently you will learn techniques and words that help you understand yourself better. Increasing your self-awareness and being able to regulate and navigate your emotions will bring you a sense of power and control over your own life because you will now understand how you feel and think. This will lead you to make better choices and take action in a way that is healthy and beneficial for your growth. Although we are shaped by our past relationships we are fully in charge of our own well-being and how we react to life on a daily basis. The future has not yet happened, but it will be influenced by how we see ourselves.
Raising self-awareness is the key component in increasing world peace and eliminating immature behaviors such as violence and aggression. Self-awareness is one of the main factors of EI that helps us become more socially apt and tuned into our own emotional world as well as others. General improvement of relationships results in happier environments to nurture our children and in turn can have a profound positive impact on the world.
Improving our relationship with ourselves is the most critical task. If we turn to outside relationships for comfort, safety, and validation we can end up becoming dependent on other people’s approval. It is like an addiction to external validation that creates a bottomless well inside of our soul because it can never be filled from the outside. Our worth and value exist at birth like a shining light that unfortunately gets diminished by our culture’s negative beliefs as well as our parents’ perspective of themselves and the world around them. If we are brought up with caregivers who have not learned to love themselves, we will have no model to acquire such a skill until we mature and discover the deficiency.
Our caregivers and influential adults in our lives help shape our identity – not who we are but who we think we are supposed to be. We learn to hide our emotions, or are ashamed of certain behaviors because they are “unacceptable”, which in the end leads to an unskilled and unhelpful way of dealing with pain and suffering. How many people learn to turn to food, TV, sex, or chemicals for a quick fix or instant pleasure? How many people feel completely overwhelmed by negative feelings such as anger, sadness, hurt, and disappointment, and do not quite know how to deal with these strong feelings? I think we all find ourselves identifying with some of these.
Success and life satisfaction come when we rely on our EQ, much more so than IQ, because we must be able to get along with others, control our emotions, and be able to communicate effectively. We have to have a healthy mind and body and be able to ask for help when needed. And most importantly, we have to be able to rise above the solemnity in the world and laugh at ourselves. Nobody is perfect and we all have some crazy weird and inappropriate habits that rub people the wrong way. Make light of it and embrace your quirkiness because, in the end, that is what makes us unique and special.
1) The term emotional intelligence was coined by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer in 1990 describing it as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action”. Later in the 1990’s Daniel Goleman popularized the term after publication of his book, Emotional Intelligence.